Today I am delighted to read that the Darkmoon Rabbit has arrived in WOW. Everything about this rabbit is in homage to Monty Python, who I absolutely love. I went hunting for some quotes to embellish my guild forum post telling folks about his presence and how one day I will need to get the pet.
I was also thinking about what to post to celebrate my year in Enthusiasm and as I read about the bunny, the more MP quotes I read, the more I realise why I love my guild. They all fit us so much! So here are a few little ones I couldn’t pass up. All credits to Monty Python etc.
To my Guild friends – I love you all
For our poor, maligned Guild Master trying to exert his leadership over us and facing adversity (gnome mages) at every turn…
Theanorak: Old woman.
Theanorak: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?
Coltoon: I’m 37.
Coltoon: I’m 37. I’m not old.
Theanorak: Well I can’t just call you “man”.
Coltoon: Well you could say “Coltoon”.
Theanorak: I didn’t know you were called Coltoon.
Coltoon: Well you didn’t bother to find out did you?
Theanorak: I did say sorry about the “old woman”, but from behind you looked…
Coltoon: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior.
Theanorak: Well I am king.
Coltoon: Oh, king eh? Very nice. And how’d you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.
Theanorak: I am your king.
Alquiel: Well I didn’t vote for you.
Theanorak: You don’t vote for kings.
Alquiel: Well how’d you become king then?
[Angelic music plays… ]
Theanorak: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Theanorak, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.
Coltoon: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Theanorak: Be quiet!
Coltoon: Oh, but you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.
Theanorak: Shut up!
Coltoon: I mean, if I went ’round sayin’ I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they’d put me away.
Theanorak: Shut up! Will you shut up!
[Theanorak grabs Coltoon and shakes him.]
Coltoon: Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I’m being repressed!
Theanorak: Bloody peasant!
Coltoon: Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That’s what I’m on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw him, Didn’t you?
For all the ladies in our guild – who are VERY naughty…
Daineiara: You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like… and then… spank me.
Sherise, Alquiel, Xethi, Moraith, Minona, Windsong, Optica, etc….: And me. And me too. And me.
Daineiara: Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking.
Daineiara: And after the spanking, the oral sex.
Dilbert: Well, I could stay a bit longer…
[Dillbert the Chaste is being seduced by an entire guild full of young women]
Dywen: We were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.
Dillbert: I don’t think I was.
Dywen: Yes, you were. You were in terrible peril.
Dillbert: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.
Dywen: No, it’s too perilous.
Dillbert: Look, it’s my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.
Dywen: No, we’ve got to find the Holy Grail. Come on.
Dillbert: Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?
Dywen: No. It’s unhealthy.
Dillbert: I bet you’re gay.
Dywen: Am not.
For Baxtoor, the rogue who kidnapped me (sadly absent currently)…
Guild: [singing] He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp. Or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away. And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Baxtoor. His head smashed in and his heart cut out. And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged. And his nostrils raped and his bottom burnt off. And his penis…
Baxtoor: That’s enough music for now, lads.
Guild: [singing] Brave Baxtoor ran away…
Guild: [singing] bravely ran away away…
Baxtoor: *I didn’t!*
Guild: [singing] When danger reared its ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled.
Baxtoor: *I never did!*
Guild: [singing] Yes, brave Baxtoor turned about, and valiantly, he chickened out.
Baxtoor: *Oh, you liars!*
Guild: [singing] Bravely taking to his feet, he beat a very brave retreat. A brave retreat by brave Baxtoor.
Raid tactics discussions:
Theanorak: What happens now?
Hipokrat: Well, now, uh, Dillbert, Dywen and I wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the mobs by surprise – not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!
Theanorak: Who leaps out?
Hipokrat: Uh, Dillbert, Dywen, and I. Uh, leap out of the rabbit, uh and uh….
Hipokrat: Oh…. Um, l-look, if we built this large wooden badger –
ALL: Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away!
And to tie it all in with the Darkmoon Rabbit. Here we are facing a boss for the first time:
Ironthunder: There he is!
Theanorak: What? Behind the rabbit?
Ironthunder: It *is* the rabbit!
Theanorak: You silly sod!
Theanorak: You got us all worked up!
Ironthunder: Well, that’s no ordinary rabbit.
Ironthunder: That’s the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!
Dottiee: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!
Ironthunder: Look, that rabbit’s got a vicious streak a mile wide! It’s a killer!
Dywen: Get stuffed!
Ironthunder: He’ll do you up a treat, mate.
Dywen: Oh, yeah?
Dottiee: You manky Southern git!
Ironthunder: I’m warning you!
Dottiee: What’s he do? Nibble your bum?
Ironthunder: He’s got huge, sharp… er… He can leap about. Look at the bones!
Theanorak: Go on, Barosu. Chop his head off!
Barosu: Right! Silly little bleeder. One rabbit stew comin’ right up!
[after Barosu is killed by the killer rabbit]
Ironthunder: I *warned* you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you *knew*, didn’t you? Oh, it’s just a harmless little *bunny*, isn’t it?